Help is on the way.

Grief is a funny thing. There are books about it. Many, many books. There are blogs about it… There are people, professionals, educators, academics, who study their entire career to gain insight, to gain understanding of this word. Grief. There are steps, there are phases, they are listed in a particular order in books, but the books always contain that one hated note “stages/phases of grief can come in any order. Stages/phases may repeat. You may not experience all stages/phases”. When a person grieves, when they truly grieve from the depths of their being, they seek answers. They are desperate, we are desperate, for a map. We want to hear what will happen and when, how we can get through whatever we need to get through as quickly as possible so we can return to living. The grief experts will all tell you that there is no such answer. They tell you that you have to go through it. Ride the wave. Ride the grief wave. Use these stages/phases as a guide but ride your own course. Because there is no answer. All of the psychologists, sociologists, anthropologists, social workers, and social scientists in the world really have no guide that will take your pain, my pain, away. No offense to the social scientists; we can all agree there is a lot of data, a lot of good intentions but no absolutes. But grief is something that everyone will experience. Death and taxes, the two absolutes in life. Someone you love will die. Maybe you will pass through this life with light hits, with one hit, with no hard hits. Maybe you will be dealt an earth-shattering blow that will render you catatonic. Maybe you have faith, and you find solace in the great beyond. In the belief that your loved one has returned home to your God, and that you will be reunited again someday in Heaven. Maybe you have no faith, and you believe that this life is all there is and that when the ride is done, you are gone forever. Maybe you believe in reincarnation, and you have the great challenge of searching, looking, hoping to find your lost loved one’s soul in another being while you spend time on this beautiful planet. 

Here’s another thing. Professionals are not the only ones who have no map for grief. Those surrounding the aggrieved have no map either. They may have words from their soul. Words from their tragic experiences. Words from their books. Words from cards they memorized for these situations because they have no idea what to say but know that blank stares and silence are the only things worse than saying the wrong thing. But they try. And at the right time, there is a place for much of the words they say to you. Help is on the way. 

Help is on the way. That is something I have said many times. When my uncle was dying, I told him “Help is on the way”. Help may not come in the way that we want, the way that we ask, the way that brings us the relief we think we need, but help is on the way. I believe in God. And I believe that God will always help me. I also know that many people do not share my faith. But I do not think these people are forsaken. I think help is on the way for them too. Help comes in many forms. From many places and people. Help comes from people who surround the aggrieved and want to support them through the dark path to peace following grief. I don’t know it all, but I do know that help is always on the way.