Which one of y'all kicked me?

Do you remember in the movie Rush Hour? It’s okay if not, you’ll get the idea. In one scene, Chris Tucker walked into a room filled with bad guys, specifically a group standing by the door. As soon as Chris Tucker entered the room, one of the guys very swiftly kicked him in the face. He felt it but had no idea from where the offending foot came. He said “Which one of ya’ll kicked me?” Grief is like that sometimes. You can be trucking along, minding your business, maybe even having a great day. No Loop here! And then all of the sudden BAM, here comes your old adversary. Perhaps you see a face that looks like your person, or you smell a scent, or you find something that belonged to the person that you thought was lost. This isn't the kind of sadness that comes when you read old letters, listen to sad songs, or look at old photos. This is out of nowhere, shocking sadness.

I once experienced this feeling in the Nursing Mothers Room at work. The room, you guessed it, is for breastfeeding moms so they can pump while away from their baby. It is complete with personal stations for pumping, as well as sinks for washing pump parts. Another mom and I were at the sinks washing our items when out of nowhere, the smell of her dish soap hit me like a ton of bricks. It was the same soap my mom used. I couldn't identify it by name but I sure knew the smell. Which one of y’all kicked me? Immediate tears. And not the slow rolling kind. The big, fat, tragic  tears accompanied by heaving sobs. People call this “ugly crying.” This is the kind of crying that typically accompanies reading Nicholas Sparks novels (no offense Mr. Sparks, but it’s a fact). But those novels are entered into at the reader's knowledge and accepted risk. The shocking grief hits you completely unawares. 

But you can push through. Keep your faith. Ride the wave. Let the grief take you where you need to go. Feel. Sob. Get it out. Release. You don't need to know where that kick came from, you just need to get yourself through the door.